Ain't Better Than The Others .

I'm starting to think that I am not what she expects . She love handsome guys , brave guys , willing to play to her guys . You know , guys who all girls adore . Frankly to say that I am not in that number of boys , yet I am an outcast . As for this year , so far I seen a number of 'incidents" that are spears that pierce through my heart . I cried too .

I am not brave . I am not brave enough to sing to her . I always hate myself for doing that . So it was some where before the mid-term exams . I was in class when the bell rang , I waited for her teacher to leave the class . I was thirsty , so I went back to my class to get a sip of water . After that , I saw Sam standing right close to her , closer than you will ever imagine . And he started singing Grenade to her . I was like staring at them , tears are starting to flow into my eyes . The scene was hurtful to me , but it brings great joy to her , more than I could ever give her . After the first line of the chorus , she got shy and started to run to her best friend , JiaXin , to tell her about this romantic incident . I pass by Sam to get to the stairs because its no use to wait for her now . He said " She asked me too " This 4 words make me cry , I look at her one last time before I sprinted down the stairs . While I was looking at her , she was smiling happily . I can't stand it ! Why can't I sing to her ? Why ? *sigh*

Sometimes , when the moody mood came to me , I've got no mood to play with her . This happened after we got our fight , I had forgotten what was the fight about . We went back to our class respectively with a bad mood . She ignored me as usual ( she ignores me everytime she is sad ) . I sat down for my Moral subject . 15mins later , I heard her voice , laughing while chasing Gau . My friends told me that she was playing with another guy , I heard her voice to confirm it . My heart was in pain , I never knew that she would play with him after what had happened . I quickly scrambled to her class , I talk to her face to face . And I cried in front of her too , because I can't hold back much longer .

Today was the worst day in my life ! I never knew that she could say that ---- " I want his number , he is so leng zai " . This sentence hurt me . How could she say that to me ? I am her boyfriend for God's sake , and yet she said that she want get his number ? Besides that , she even take pictures with the guy she adored more than me . In 30mins time , she can take a lot of pics with him , together with her friends as well . I and her ? It takes two years to get 3 pictures with her . That is how hard to get a picture with her ! *sigh* I know that I'm not picture perfect . I know that i don't have six packs . I know that I'm not handsome ! This is the second time this her . To a guy whom she just met , she say him handsome . To a boy who is loyal to her , 2 years and its so hard for her to even say I love you , she never tell me that I am handsome unless I force it out from her mouth .

Can I cry ?

Yours,
Crying-Boy