Sunday, July 31, 2011

Got Rejected , And It Hurts .

For the first time you rejected me from going out with her . You said that you wanted to spent some time with your friends , what am I suppose to say about that ? I can't force you to let me go . Feel like crying right now . Feel like asking you a question , what if I don't want you to go out somewhere together with me , how would you feel ?

You don't want me to go because you are scare that you might get jealous on that day , right ? For God's sake , I will just play with you , 1 on 1 and team . I didn't know that we going out having fun will still have jealousy . Seriously , I forgotten about your friends going together as well . Both , you and me , had fun last Tuesday , there are girls going together as well , and I'm the only boy there , you didn't get jealous . But why now ? I thought going out together was about having fun , not jealousy . Guess I mistaken . FYI , I didn't get jealous even if you play with Branden .

I really wanted to go out with you badly , why can't you let me do so ? Is it wrong if I follow you around in school ? Does it bothers you ? If it does then just say it . I only follow you everywhere you go because i want more time with you . Every time I came to see you or play with you during school , she are always with guys , and sometimes in pairs too ! Do you know how much that hurt me ? I will always say this , "Why other guys get to walk with you in pairs in school and I end up being left alone because your friends pull you away ?" That's why you normally see me looking away when you were around with another guy .

The pass 3 days , I felt like I was living alone . Going out to watch 3 movies in 3 different shopping complex . I see more couples than individuals . I almost cry because I felt that there wont be a day for us to be like that . In cinemas , I will normally end up sitting beside a couple . I saw them hold hands , I saw them hugging each other . I would want that now . But you would never give it to me . I'm not worth it right ? I'm not caring at all . I love you , even if you still don't believe in that . I really want to spent time with you , watching movies , holding hands while finding clothes to buy for you , having a candle light dinner , going out with you . I want us to be like other couple in those shopping complexes . Would you ? I want to go out tomorrow not because of playing with another girl , is because I want you now . I just went through 3 of my hardest day of my life . *sigh* I hope you understand . I need you by my side , to hug you when you feel lonely , to pick you up when you fall , she kiss you when you need it , you hold you when you are scare , to cheer you up when you are sad , to lend you a shoulder to cry on , to carry you when you are tired , and to protect you with any kind of threats . I love you ! hope enjoy tomorrow then .

Regards ,

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Ain't Better Than The Others .

I'm starting to think that I am not what she expects . She love handsome guys , brave guys , willing to play to her guys . You know , guys who all girls adore . Frankly to say that I am not in that number of boys , yet I am an outcast . As for this year , so far I seen a number of 'incidents" that are spears that pierce through my heart . I cried too .

I am not brave . I am not brave enough to sing to her . I always hate myself for doing that . So it was some where before the mid-term exams . I was in class when the bell rang , I waited for her teacher to leave the class . I was thirsty , so I went back to my class to get a sip of water . After that , I saw Sam standing right close to her , closer than you will ever imagine . And he started singing Grenade to her . I was like staring at them , tears are starting to flow into my eyes . The scene was hurtful to me , but it brings great joy to her , more than I could ever give her . After the first line of the chorus , she got shy and started to run to her best friend , JiaXin , to tell her about this romantic incident . I pass by Sam to get to the stairs because its no use to wait for her now . He said " She asked me too " This 4 words make me cry , I look at her one last time before I sprinted down the stairs . While I was looking at her , she was smiling happily . I can't stand it ! Why can't I sing to her ? Why ? *sigh*

Sometimes , when the moody mood came to me , I've got no mood to play with her . This happened after we got our fight , I had forgotten what was the fight about . We went back to our class respectively with a bad mood . She ignored me as usual ( she ignores me everytime she is sad ) . I sat down for my Moral subject . 15mins later , I heard her voice , laughing while chasing Gau . My friends told me that she was playing with another guy , I heard her voice to confirm it . My heart was in pain , I never knew that she would play with him after what had happened . I quickly scrambled to her class , I talk to her face to face . And I cried in front of her too , because I can't hold back much longer .

Today was the worst day in my life ! I never knew that she could say that ---- " I want his number , he is so leng zai " . This sentence hurt me . How could she say that to me ? I am her boyfriend for God's sake , and yet she said that she want get his number ? Besides that , she even take pictures with the guy she adored more than me . In 30mins time , she can take a lot of pics with him , together with her friends as well . I and her ? It takes two years to get 3 pictures with her . That is how hard to get a picture with her ! *sigh* I know that I'm not picture perfect . I know that i don't have six packs . I know that I'm not handsome ! This is the second time this her . To a guy whom she just met , she say him handsome . To a boy who is loyal to her , 2 years and its so hard for her to even say I love you , she never tell me that I am handsome unless I force it out from her mouth .

Can I cry ?


Thursday, July 14, 2011

Without A Single Word .

Ain't a happy story this is . *sigh* Why is she always like that ? I don't hate her . I just don't like her like that !

Today , what happened at tuition is not a good sign . Why must she blame everything on me ? I just have to do a little more then I can teach her with all my focus in it . Sorry if you think that I don't care about you . I really do care , I just have to finish 1 more step . Is it so hard to wait ? Is not like the teacher is rushing us . Am I not worth the wait ? Do you hate me ? Is this the reason that you don't want to put our relationship in Facebook to "In a relationship" ? Do you have other guys ? *sigh*

Why are you treating me this way ? What did I do wrong ? Why do I feel that the whole world is blaming everything on me ? I love you . I always said this to you . But you never believe in me , not even once ! You are my everything , seriously ! I love you , but you hate me , just like you said . I tried to apologize , but you didn't even look me in the eyes . I tried to talk to you , but you ignored me . What happen to all those promise before tuition ? You just let it go because of one Add. Maths question ? Is it worth it ? *sigh* I know that I'm not a good boyfriend , I know I'm not your dream boy anymore . Who am I now ? Without you I'm nothing .

Today , during the explore race . I keep scolding myself , why can't I provide her with so much happiness ? As much as she playing and fooling around with her best friends and her boy friends . I remembered that you fake shooting Sarvin it brings the smile on you , a big , shiny , sweet smile that I always want to provide you . There is also Derek , playing with you on the stage before the game start . How much he makes you happy , I really admire it . I can't even do that to you . I really hope that I can provide you with that much happiness , that will be my dream , my only dream and my biggest one too .

I still remember what you said to me during history tuition . " You can't make me laugh " thats what you said . I agree with that now , I agree that I can't even make you smile . *sigh* Sorry . Hate me if you like it so much , hate me if you are happy with that . I just want to say sorry . Sorry for everything that I'd done , I do care about you , more than my friends , more than my sisters ! I love you , even you broke up with me , I'll still will love you whether you like it or not . I will wait until you accept me !

Hurter boy .

Saturday, June 18, 2011

A Night Which Is Hard To Forget

We had a great time today . The chinese society made tonight a blast . Showing others the traditional music and yet add on some future music too ! I personally enjoyed it . There was a drama , they perform titanic comedy , its very nice . Laugh my ass out too . Then there was a band , nice songs , nice guitarist , nice drummer , nice pianist . Just the singers are out of shape , well , they are shouting ! To tell the truth , only Man Kit and Zhi Xian sing nicest ! I like the drummer most , he is awesome . Then it was some kungfu action , very nice display of both strength and speed . Kinda cool if you learn kungfu or martial arts , I hope I can learn too . Then it was time to bring the drums ! DRUMLINE TIME , drum drum drum . They rocks or some reason which I can't even figure out , SMK Yu Hua was stunning , their 24 students hit their drums with spirit and confidence . I can even feel the force of the drum . Now , I feel that drum is attracting me .

Through out the day , my mood was pretty much uneven . First of all , I keep seeing her with a guy and not with me , where else other couples can cuddle together . This makes me very sad , because she always enjoys her time with other guys . Either she hate me , or she just playing with my feelings , or started to get bored with me . I don't know . I've been toying with my mind every time she sits , talk , play with a guy . Maybe , I'm not a good boyfriend at all , I can't provide her any happiness , I can't provide her protection , the worst is , I can't provide her love . *sigh* I better not think too much , or maybe is true , that I am one step behind other boys , that I am not a good boy myself . All I want her is to be happy with me , more than her boy friends . What am I lack of ? What they have which I don't have ? What is wrong with us ? I don't want to leave her , I don't want her to leave me either . I love her very much , more than she could ever imagine . But seeing her feel happy with other boys makes me feel guilty for not providing the fun , the happiness . I wonder , if a building is collapsing , and she is with her boy friends with me together , who will she run to ? Me or her friends ? *sigh* I feel that I can't give the best for her , I feel that I am not good enough for her . I hope the best for her , but am I the best ? I hope that she will be with me , happy walking through the pain and the obstacles ahead of us , conquering them together and happily .

I really enjoy the times we are together . We can really out play each other . I hope that we can be together every single minute . But am I too selfish ? Should I let loose a little for her to enjoy with her friends ? I love her . She is my one and only . Even times of sorrow , I still love her every much . I would cry for her . I love her cute face which pops out every time she laughs or smile . Can I make her laugh or smile ? Can I make her happy again every time she is sad ? I don't think s I can't because every time she is sad , I always fail to cheer her up . Sorry baby . I hope that you will stay with me forever . Be happy please , our lives are not long for sorrows , we need to enjoy our lives before its too late . I want you now badly . *sigh* I love you , one and only you . I hope that you will be happy with me .

Yours ,
Useless boy .

Sunday, June 12, 2011

A Fresh Start .

Oh well , I had refresh my blog , I'm going to start a new one which only my baby girl will know . End of the mid year holidays , and a fresh new semester is starting , I hope this will be better than the previous one .

Two weeks of holiday , and I suffer boredom ! Nothing much to do , no outings except a game of 3 hours of badminton with my friends . And also a trip back to penang . My grandma looks more skinny everytime I visit back , and the worst and funniest part is , she loves to deny things that she wants .

Things aren't getting better for us . Its kinda hard to put it . I love her very much , seriously I do . I left my friends for her . Even spies her when she don't even notice . The way how she bully boys really amused me . Cause she always wins ! Even I lose out on that . I love how she cares for me . She cares for me when I'm down , console me . I love it when she touches my cheek , her soft hand really soften my heart . I love it when she talks a lot , it always turns out to be a joke every time we talk . I love to see her laugh , makes me very happy . Seeing her laugh is like making yourself laugh , it's almost impossible but its very pleasurable . I love the way she fight back , it gives me a taste of competition , I always need to find new tactics to win her , hard though ! I love her very much when she is angry , GRRR , her cute face really shows and her arms are always cross . I can make her laugh by putting my face in front of her , doing funny faces . I know she loves that , it never fails to make her happy .I love her cute and small face , nice touch touch , soft and silky , but she don't let me to touch it , thats the sad part .

Even though sometimes she might not be in the right mood , I will always try to cheer her up . Its hard but I love doing it . Now , I hope that she will reply , I miss being around her , I miss kissing her lips . This 2 weeks , I miss her a lot . I don't think she trust me or believe what I say now . But this is from my heart , this is from Aaron Chee Jianhua . Don't leave me , although the two years we spent had a lot of sad days , but I really enjoy the time with you . I love you very much . I'm finding for a ring now , as a fake wedding ring , when I get a job and got some money , I will buy a pink ring for you my dear . I swear thats what I will do . I love you .

5 promises from me to you :-

- I will only love you , not other girls .
- A pink ring , a pink dress and a pink car for our wedding .
- I will never leave you , I will aid you in times of needs .
- I always think of you every time <3
- I will try to be a better guy for you